dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
this hospital has no fireball
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize