She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
