Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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