If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is my gift to your gina
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
