guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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