Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
