and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
