she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize