oh god the rape fog is back!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
