sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
high people should be assigned attendants
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
