ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My dick has a subreddit
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize