yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
