I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize