I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
