I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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