I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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