So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
