well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
