You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
