Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
