New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize