My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
