Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
