Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
