I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
