apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dear god my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
