I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ladies don't puke and tell
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
