they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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