Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
