God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
