He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
