Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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