We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
