I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We are all done wearing pants today
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
