so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
