Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
