The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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