the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
