i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
