Jerry, you need to find god
i think i have two assholes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
