everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
