jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
