I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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