I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
