His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
