He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
