Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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