Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
please come you make the beer taste better
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
