i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
