What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
