is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
