I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
