even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
