How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
