oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
