real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
