how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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