I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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