you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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