i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
