I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
