yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
